“I don’t want children–Stop telling me I will change my mind”

TED Talk Link

This TED Talk is long overdue… I have experienced firsthand what it is like to be constantly pressured to get married and have kids society is relentless when you are aged 16 to 40… at about age 40 they give up on pressuring women to have kids, but will still at times pressure women to get married though the ruthlessness experienced in my 20’s has decreased drastically it still feels very intrusive when anyone asks “when will you be dating/getting married?” in my world marriage and dating are not something I have any wish to pursue I have known since I was a teen that I liked kids but really had no interest in having any of my own and now at age 45 I have zero regrets with regards to my decision to not have kids or get married… my world did not fall apart due to a lack of kids or spouse, if anything I’ve felt like I had more freedom than I see people with kids and/or a spouse having which has allowed me the ability to focus my time and energy on managing my disability, but also allowed me to experiment with various ideas I’ve had over the years that allow me to give something back to my community… if I had even one child I would likely not have been able to do what I’ve accomplished and odds are I would have lost the child to the foster care system due to the nature of my disability for me I considered a variety of factors when I was forming this idea… I considered the effect of my dad’s mental health issues on me, I looked at information about people with my mental health issues who raised kids and discovered many had their kids taken away… I also looked at the risk of my child potentially inheriting whatever genes and such from me that could make them more vulnerable to having mental health issues… I looked at my ability to cope with living with people, and decided that since I genuinely hate sharing a home or living space with other humans that having a kid would likely be a recipe for disaster.

I have a Service Dog and that is as close to having a kid as I want to go I find my Service Dog is much easier to share a living space with than any human has ever been for me to share a living space with.  I don’t hate humans… I just can’t live in the same house as other humans which means if I end up in a nursing home later in life I will likely have a REALLY hard time with the shared living space design of the nursing home, but that is a completely different issue though the inability to live with humans in the same house was a huge factor into not wanting kids since kids are tiny humans.

At any rate, I hope that this TED Talk inspires society to ease up on viewing young women only as baby factories and realize that there is so much more about me and other women like myself who choose not to have kids that has nothing to do with our lack of children or in some cases our singleness. I am a person first.. I am more than a uterus.

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